Happy Wednesday, HGTV fans! good bones has discovered the weirdest bed in Indianapolis, and we — contributing editor Megan Fernandez and art director Kristin Sims — have finally come out of the shock to wrap up this fifth installment.
The house, a 800-square-foot future treasure on the Old Southside, is so small that whoever has lived here before rigged a bed just inside the front door with a janky pulley system so it could lift up during the day and create more floor space. It’s right over your head as you walk through the door. I must say, bravo – ingenious move. Points for creativity. But a penalty for execution. It’s not exactly stable.
This house is directly behind Cory’s house from last season and caught fire during that reno, hence the title of this episode: “From Burned Out to Boho Nordic.” Are we looking at a sauna? Or is “boho Nordic” the new name for an abundance of Ikea?
Kristine: We’re starting at Chez Cory and I don’t think he’s done anything to his back deck since he moved last season. Ironically, Mina points out that Cory is wearing inappropriate footwear (slippers) to visit their new purchase—and Cory replies, “You normally wear flip-flops.” Yes! Someone else noticed.
Megan: Cory steals your text. You should not wear flip flops because you never know when you will enter a house directly under a poorly made bed. That’s a serious hack for small spaces. I thought you only did this in Brooklyn studios. Will Karen make it through the walk-through?
Kristine: I thought Karen stopped doing inspections. I think only the really gross. This house is disgusting.
Megan: They can barely get through it, because it’s like the Grand Canyon of rubble. It’s so bad they can’t even find the entrance to the basement.
Kristine: They’re lucky to have the camera crew with them in case they get stuck under an avalanche of junk.
Megan: When they finally find a small hole in the basement, they discover it’s only a few feet high. But hey, the floor system is in great shape! What a pleasant surprise.
Kristine: I really can’t believe Karen crawled into the crawl space – that’s not worth a ‘treasure’. Though I do now that I say it, I think that’s literally what a crawlspace is for.
Megan: They bought this house for $7,000 and basically bought Saddam Hussein’s foxhole and a pulley system. Worth it for this mess?
Kristine: Even if it’s a demolition, the property is worth $7,000. I am surprised with such a large hole in the roof that there is no significant water damage, especially since Mina said they had been trying to buy this house “for a while”.
Megan: The plan is to bring in $150,000 and sell it for over $200,000 for a tidy profit and new neighbors for Cory. They need more bedrooms.
Kristine: In this tiny house it seems aggressive to add two extra bedrooms and two bathrooms on the second floor. We will see.
Megan: They are going to expand to the second level so that all the beds can remain on the floor. When the demo crew and MJ show up and hear about the condition of the house, MJ says, “To get back, we’re walking under a death trap.”
Kristine: All the while, something smells really bad and they don’t know where it’s coming from. If it’s the toilet, will they compete to see who removes it? It turns out to be fridge juice. Cory catches a sniff and runs down the street. How could he not smell it from his deck all this time?
Megan: Austin carries out the source of the stench, a mini-fridge, and saturates himself in refrigerator juice. Then, heartlessly, Tad doesn’t fire Austin from the toilet rochambeau, even though he’s already had a bad day. And Austin loses, so he’s on toilet duty too (doodie?).
Kristine: I called the rochambeau! Poor Austin. He wasn’t his happy self this season, and now this. But he is a champion. He just takes it – and removes it – like a man.
Megan: Karen found a wok in a couple of rafters. Of all things in all places. Then, within a minute of TV time, the house has been cleaned up, the framing has begun, and Cory has a meeting with Mina at her home to review the blueprints. They look nice and protrude from a large dormer on the second floor. Cory gets carried away thinking about buying this house for a rental and maybe another house nearby, and making himself “Don of Adler Street.”
Kristine: Of the plans, I like the look of the new exterior. It’s something else. And it makes more sense now that they’re putting one of the three bedrooms on the first floor – I didn’t know how it would fit upstairs. I hated the addition of a closet at the entrance. It creates an awkward corner in the dining area. It’s important to have a closet, but I wish it was somewhere else.
Megan: I’ve mentioned this before, but I lived in a house with no closet on the first floor, and it’s terrible. There aren’t enough wall hooks in the world to make up for it.
Kristine: It’s weird that the two bedrooms upstairs each have two closets. But without a cellar, there goes the Christmas decorations I guess.
Megan: Cory’s delusions of landlord grandeur are raging by the time he, Mina and Tad perform a building check. He demands all sorts of functions inside, including a secret passage to the pantry and quartz instead of butcher blocks. Mina has to remind him that this is not a “buyer’s walk.”
Kristine: Well, that was fast. Meeting with MJ about design, Mina reveals that “Cory is all talk and no action” and has backed off. So now the house has to be copper-friendly, and that means super neutral. White subway tile in the bathroom.
Megan: I think the ice gray floors they choose are a bit Scandinavian.
Kristine: Here’s a detour halfway through the episode: Mina takes her family to see a lot she bought in Bates-Hendricks to build a new Two Chicks office! The company has grown considerably and they urgently need more space. Finally, they can consolidate all of their staging items from nine storage facilities across the city. I wonder if this will be enough space for storage, offices and design samples. I think we’ll find out next season.
Megan: We meet potential buyers, a young couple with a small child and another on the way, and they’ve made over 40 offers in a few years! I’m rooting for them. But they want to use the primary suite downstairs for more entertaining space because the house is small and what will be their primary suite upstairs looks small.
Kristine: Super small. You know I’m not a fan of large primary bedrooms and bathrooms, but can they fit a bed in those? Can’t wait for the final reveal.
Megan: Hey, we’re in Madison, Indiana! Tad and Karen took a road trip hunting driftwood along the Ohio River to make a patio table for these buyers. They use a sheet of tempered glass that Karen found in the house. They find a large, gnarled piece of plane tree.
Kristine: How much does it cost to tow the Iron Timbers men to Madison?
Megan: I was wondering if that was Iron Timbers. Back at the house, MJ wants to install a climbing wall for the daughter, and he says, “Like many of my ideas, I thought this would be a lot easier.” However, MJ has had many good ideas. This may not be his best. They make it work by putting up plywood for reinforcement and spraying the holds black, white, gold and pink.
Kristine: How much can the kid be “rock climbing,” as MJ said, when she’s a toddler?
Megan: Yeah, don’t let MJ babysit. The new backyard patio has a beautiful view of Cory’s hot tub.
Megan: I’ll put cardboard in my flower beds next spring, like Karen did in this garden. She promised never to pull weeds.
Kristine: Yeah, maybe I should try that too.
Megan: Here comes the driftwood table! It sits low but looks good.
Kristine: Sure – the IT guys made it!
Megan: Hi! Dining room observation! Finley and MJ enter annoyed as they head to storage facilities across town to find chairs and a faux ficus.
Kristine: The space near the closet is much larger than it appeared on the floor plans. The main level is cramped, but it’s cute. The kitchen feels a bit flat-y to me. Even the struts seem bland this week, but I think the parkas at the back door add ‘Nordic’. Does Scandinavian wear count?
Megan: Haha, that’s some low budget Scandinavian decoration unless it’s North Face.
Kristine: Interesting that the AC is a wall unit as they broke everything down to the studs.
Megan: The master bedroom upstairs is bigger than I expected. But unfortunately, the $150,000 reno budget came to $213,000 with foundation issues and other issues. Mina sold it to the deserving couple for $240,000. It’s a good deal for them, but Two Chicks only made $20,000. Mina seems genuinely happy that the couple finally has a home. Do you think living next door to Cory increased the value of the house, or that seeing him in the hot tub on the last walk put it down a bit?
Kristine: He’s cute, but my first thought was I wouldn’t want my little girl to see that every weekend! Sorry Corey!
Megan: He was a good sport for hot tubing in front of the camera. I bet he will be a great neighbor. Let’s see if Two Chicks can make a bigger profit next week. See you then!