You did it. After nervously navigating your country in qualifying, compartmentalizing your travel debt and tallying up your precious pennies, you’ve arrived at your $200-a-night, seven-foot shipping container in Doha, along with 6,000 others who will serve as your fellow slum dwellers in the coming weeks.
This old house may not be much to look at now, but by the time we discuss some DIY projects you can implement to spruce up your dumpster, your neighbors will go absolutely crazy trying to get the Joneses at to keep.
7 ways to turn your shipping container into your dream container
#1. Febreze “Apple Cider” plug-in air freshener
Nothing exudes fall vibes quite like this little modern marvel from the fine folks of Febreze. Somehow it even knows when it’s empty and flashes blue – it would almost be creepy if it weren’t so handy! Just don’t forget your Qatari shipping container outlet converter. You should be able to find them on your local dark web.
#2. A little carpet goes a long way
Remember when you were a freshman in college and needed room decor that spoke to your soul while also serving as a welcoming invitation to lost souls down the hall? Channel that moment in time and find a tapestry that reads, “I’ll be your psychedelic rotten soldier if you let me.”
#3. Create a protest sign for your garden
Are you in Qatar but do you have any concerns about all these human rights violations? Well, it’s too late to turn back now, but you can still do your part with the greatest form of social disobedience in modern times: a yard sign.
#4. Turn your shipping container into a shipman trainer
We understand it. It’s vacation, but you don’t want to miss a workout. No problem — turn your space into an Anytime Fitness with a platoon, weightlifting rack, climbing rope and still room for your body to be crushed by it all.
#5. Add an HVAC unit
Nothing boosts property values like the simple addition of a good AC unit. It should still be hotter than two rats fornicating in a woolen sock, so keep your seven-foot space comfortable with a good Mitsubishi Electric system.
#6. Distill your own moonshine in the backyard for a downstairs speakeasy
I know what you’re thinking: “Me? Open a blind pig without Qatari permission? Wouldn’t I like to go to jail forever for that sort of thing?”
The simple answer is yes. But let’s not get the law involved. It’s going to be hard to get your hands on the good stuff in Doha, so you’ll be doing your neighbors a favor by distilling 80% ruckus juice. Just be sure to keep a close eye on your still, or the ethanol vapors could explode and destroy the entire city.
#7. Gargoyles always send the right message
Call me obsolete, call me “Goliath” like the 1994 character Gargoyles TV series, but I don’t think you can go wrong with a bit of grotesque Gothic architecture.
Used to protect inhabitants from evil or harmful spirits, having a few gargoyles around your container will help keep the horned vipers and redback spiders away.